The Old Cliche

And so we start the new year.

2014 went by so fast. It really didn't stop from the start. Between my boys and their special needs classes, therapies and tutors, my business, my household, my marriage and school responsibilities, it hardly left any time for me. To take care of me. To focus on me and my health.

 

The question of, "How did I get this big?" is not really mine. I know exactly what happened. I stopped caring. I gave in to my cravings.

Every.Single.One.

And for as long as I can remember, that has been the case.

 

I believe I'm afraid.

 

I get to a certain point and then, I freak out.

 

50 lbs lost, 80 lbs lost, 60 lbs lost.

 

There is a cycle. I loose it and then I freak out about the changes in my body and I start eating. I'm not sure if it's an evolutionary thing or if it is a metal thing. But it happens to me.

Every.Single.Time.

 

I have been on diets since I was a teen.

I have had the gastric lap-band and almost died.

I have been diagnosed a Celiac and have multiple food allergies.

Still, I gain ALL the weight back, with interest.

 

I can't say I'm not going to do fall this year, but I have to keep trying.

I don't want another diagnosis.

I don't want Diabetes

I don't want Hypertension

I don't want Arthritis

I don't want a Hypothyroid

I don't want Depression

 

I have to be judged by the number of times I get up.

 

I will find time for me. I will find time to get healthy and loose all this excess weight.

I will.