tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17537077306604926412024-03-05T06:47:04.942-08:00Confessions of a dysfunctional chronic dieterAlicia Phttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07651734616044574830noreply@blogger.comBlogger12125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1753707730660492641.post-81311102444296720392017-03-29T10:30:00.004-07:002017-03-29T10:30:51.731-07:00Embrace the Future<div style="text-align: right;">
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It's amazing how fast time flies these days. I remember being a kid and just thinking how the school year just dragged on FOR-E-VER. I craved down time and relax time. And now that I have kids of my own, it's like, damn it! Slow down!! You are growing way to fast and I don't want to miss anything. <br />But just like that, time waits for no one. You have to either keep up or get thrown to the side. </div>
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After so many times feeling like I was pushed aside and forgotten, I decided to stop feeling sorry for myself. I decided it was time to get up and put myself first, get my health in order and decide what I really wanted in life. <br />The first thing I did was go to a Wellness meeting with a woman from one of my mom's groups. She kept posting about how she had lost 90+ lbs in 2 years, brought her body back to an alkaline state and gained so much energy and health. She lives 45 minutes from my house. I didn't know her, and I didn't know what to expect, but I knew I was desperate for a change. </div>
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As I walked into her house, I saw her, and I almost walked out. She was the picture of healthy, trim and fit! There was no way she was the same person from the "before" picture. She had muscles!! And no sagging skin!!! What was going on?!? She held the meeting at her house, so there were pictures of her and her family all around. As I looked on, I saw the "before" and the "in between". Her pictures were a timeline of her journey, and that's when I realized, she could be the real deal!</div>
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The meeting consisted of showing us a video of why Diets don't work, a bit about clean eating and then she told us her story. And I almost wept. She was like me. She was just like me, and she did it. She is now in the place I wanted to be. No surgery, no pills, just nutritional and clean eating. I didn't even think about it, I knew I wanted what she had and signed up then and there. And thus my journey with her as my wellness coach started. </div>
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I continued with this program for a month, but I only had about a 10lb loss, inches were reducing, but not at the rate I would have wanted. Thus, I enrolled in the additional program that her mentor had for 6 weeks. What I learned in that program was that I couldn't expect to be perfect, or to compare my results with that of others. I had to change my mental outlook first, then my food consumption and then my physical activity. I learned so much about myself and how much I could do and not do. But again in only 6 weeks I lost 5lbs. I enrolled for another 6 weeks and lost 10lbs. So 25lbs lost in a span of 4 months. Okay, not bad, not where I wanted to be, but miles away from where I was. <br />Financially, I had to suspend joining the programs for a while. But I continued with the nutritional and clean eating. But I was stuck. I plateaued for 4 months. I was okay, since I wasn't gaining, but I was getting disappointed that the scale wasn't going down. Speaking to my health coach, she was completely understanding and supportive, told me to keep going, and to toss out the scale and that she had started her own program that mimicked the one her mentor had. I signed up and continued on with the love and support of the "tribe". </div>
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But then, by the start of this year, I began to experience heart palpitations, tunnel vision and other scary symptoms that I knew could not be ignored any longer. I made many doctors appointments and discovered that there was actually a medical reason why I wasn't loosing weight! Like an actual, real life reason why no matter what I did, my body was stubbornly holding on to fat. <br />My body stores everything I eat as fat. Lettuce, yeah, let's store that as fat. Apples, Oh look, that is stored as fat! Bunless burger, doesn't matter, that is still fat. Everything! My body was only burning carbs that were easy to digest and everything else, including complex carbs, were being stored as fat. GDMF! Well that suxs. </div>
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But I was blessed to land in the very capable hands of the wonderful Dr. D. Malinowski. She told me not to worry, to continue with my nutritional and clean eating and there is medication that can help correct it. I began a very aggressive medication regimen, one that some days just knocks me out and I sleep, but I can already FEEL the difference, and definitely SEE it. </div>
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Today, I am 37.4 lbs less from my starting weight in 2016. I haven't been in this weight range since 2014. </div>
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I still have a LONG way to go, but for the first time in what seems like forever, I finally have hope that I can get there.</div>
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I finally wake up happy. </div>
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I no longer feel like I am just watching time go by and fearing the future. </div>
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I am now looking forward to it!</div>
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ALI</div>
Alicia Phttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07651734616044574830noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1753707730660492641.post-19102860064507478912016-06-19T12:12:00.001-07:002016-06-19T12:12:45.448-07:00How many times can you get up?By now you have watched me yo-yo through 4 years of different diet plans, techniques and mindset restarts. I have tried programs and books. I have tried procedures and medications. Some have worked, short term. Yes, I have lost 10, 20, 40, 80 lbs, but I have gained it all back and then some. <br />
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I have poured my heart out and told my story. I have recounted my emotional tale to get trim and fit. I started this blog to record my journey, so I could look back and see my train of thought and what worked and what didn't. What worked and what didn't... that is the key in that sentence.<br />
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See, during all this time, a black little cloud kept circling around my head. It kept saying that I wouldn't succeed. It was there, it was always there. It was my skepticism that whatever I was doing at the time wouldn't work, or would only work for a bit. <br />
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I guess time had made me a little jaded. I kept failing and falling in each and every plan, diet, etc that I had tried or attempted.<br />
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The thing I realize now is that no matter what I was doing, I was doing it alone. I never seeked guidance. I thought I knew it all. I didn't follow the plans 100%. I read all the books and joined groups. I may have asked questions. I may have organized and prepared. But I never had cheerleaders in my corner.<br />
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When most of your food insecurities come from your upbringing, depending on family is not really an option. Sure, they cheered me on, at the same time they were handing me some tacos or tamales or other delicious goodies. And I don't blame them. They never forced me to eat anything. But it was the indirect sabotage that they may not have been aware of that inevitably caused my downfall.<br />
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My husband, my wonderful husband has always supported me in anything that I have wanted to do. He has always made me know that he would love me whether I was 150lbs. or 300lbs. I have never loved anyone as much as I love him. He gets me. He sees me for who I am, and has always remained at my side, just as I have for him. With that said, we are one in the same. Our food likes, and cravings. Our similarities are uncanny. So, cheat days became common. I don't think he was sabotaging me on purpose. I don't even think he knew that it was sabotage. I think he was trying to bring me happiness with the foods I liked to temporary break my bad mood from my restrictive diet. I never brought him into the fold with me.<br />
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And so, in essence, I've been alone. When doing these diets or regimens, I have never felt a connection to them. I've seen the before and after pictures of participants, but they were always of people who needed to loose 10, 20 pounds. None of them ever resonated with me. The only program that always had worked for me was Weight Watchers, and honestly the stories and pictures were always motivating because some were of people like me that need to loose 50-100+. But the thing is, that although the group help was there, (and I believe was a huge factor in my 80lbs WL) There was no personalized help. You went to the meetings and that was it. You listened. The help you got depended on the leader that day or that week. During my stint at WW, I had many different leaders. Some had only lost 10lbs, because that is what they needed to loose to become a healthy weight. Some had lost 40lbs. But I never had a leader that had lost as much as I needed to loose. That was one problem. The second problem was the aproachability or accessibility to these leaders. These meetings had sometimes 30-40 people and everyone wanted a chance to talk to the leaders. I would mostly give up and go on the message boards to have my questions answered. This led to me quitting the meetings all together and just doing it online. Well, that started the downfall. I no longer had the accountability of the face to face meetings. And that was another KEY. Only I knew my weight. Only I saw my food diary. And honestly, I didn't trust myself anymore. I would cheat and not record it. Alone. I would inevitability revert to doing it alone and by myself. And so, I would eventually quit when it became too much.<br />
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And there it is.<br />
My three main issues:<br />
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1- Accountability<br />
2- Support<br />
3- Relatability <br />
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<br />I can honestly say that none of the things I have tried in the past had all three.<br />
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None.<br />
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And that is why I failed in the past. <br />
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<br />Alicia Phttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07651734616044574830noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1753707730660492641.post-37599167097010974232016-01-09T21:00:00.000-08:002016-06-19T11:28:11.999-07:00No comfort for me<div style="text-align: center;">
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: right;">
1/2/16</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: right;">
300.6 </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
Today I want to
analyze my past eating habits and influences. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
I grew up in a
Mexican Family.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
Food is central and sometimes the main attraction to most
events, parties, gatherings and everyday life. Planning out breakfast, lunch
and dinner usually takes place right after the previous meal is consumed.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
Now, being in a
Mexican Family does not imply that the only thing we ate was Mexican food. Far
from it. Living in the border, there was a lot of variety of food. Pizza being
a Saturday night favorite, Burger King, McDonalds; all those were family
favorites. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
When I was
young, under 8, I was allowed to eat anything and everything I
wanted. I wanted ice cream, “sure thing!” I wanted flour tortillas with butter
(OMG), “how many?” Things like quantity and quality didn’t really factor into
what I was eating. And honestly, it was the best time ever. Now, I believe at
this time is when I started to get plump. Bear in mind, that I had my go at any
food that I wanted to eat. I think to this day, I long for those days. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
I digress. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
The kicker was
the way it changed, overnight almost.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
I began to be
told “no.” There was less on my plate. I was denied the foods that brought me
comfort. No more gansitos (Mexican snack cake), twinkies, and other snacks.
Chips were only when we had a party or during the Super Bowl (I think this is
when I developed my love for football) I could only have one soft drink and
then water. (Now, why I would have soft drink at 8, well, that’s marketing for
you. My kids don’t even touch that stuff) My food consumption had drastically
changed. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
And then my
sister started eating solids. Now, I love my sister with all my heart, and
there is nothing she can do that is wrong in my eyes. I defended her with my
life, growing up. She was my baby and I would be dammed if someone or something
hurt her. That said, she was a very picky eater. So much so, that there were
things she wouldn’t eat. And so, my parents would buy the things she would. Like
mini pizzas, cheese, flour tortillas, chicken nuggets, apple juice, the thin
ham (sliced to almost tissue paper thickness) etc. I was told these foods were
for my sister, to not eat them. If I wanted juice, I had to drink the
orange/grapefruit because it burned the fat. (I WAS FREAKING 9 yrs. old!!) The
apple juice was reserved for my sister since that’s the only juice she
liked.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Anyway, all those foods that were
bought, were for my sister since she didn’t eat anything else. I didn’t get mad
at her, though, it wasn’t really her fault. I was upset that all of a sudden, I
had my go at food and then it was taken away. I was mad at my parents. How was
it fair to deprive me of food that EVERYONE ELSE was eating?</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
So of course, I
did what any kid/teenager/adolescent would do, I started sneaking food. This
began around that time. I would get food from other places; grandparent’s
house, aunt’s house, friend’s houses. I would hide my candy from parties and if
they gave out chips, I would hoard them and hide them. I would wake up in the
middle of the night and go to the kitchen and make myself a sandwich (one of
the small pleasures in life) and eat it in the dark corner so no one would hear
me. When the boy scouts would sell chocolate at school, I would use my
allowance to buy 5-8 of those things. Wouldn’t tell a soul and eat them in my
room and hide the wrappers. During lunch (we couldn’t buy our lunch ourselves,
parents had to pay for the school lunches at my catholic school) I would
sometimes throw away my lunch before going into the cafeteria and the teachers
would feel bad for me and get me a hot lunch. This was usually when there was
pizza, lasagna or chicken nuggets. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: "wingdings"; mso-ascii-font-family: Arial; mso-char-type: symbol; mso-hansi-font-family: Arial; mso-symbol-font-family: Wingdings;"><span style="mso-char-type: symbol; mso-symbol-font-family: Wingdings;"></span></span>* I
learned all the tricks to get the foods that I wanted. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
* I learned how to sneak eat.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
* I learned that all diet food was gross.<span style="font-family: "wingdings"; mso-ascii-font-family: Arial; mso-char-type: symbol; mso-hansi-font-family: Arial; mso-symbol-font-family: Wingdings;"><span style="mso-char-type: symbol; mso-symbol-font-family: Wingdings;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
* I learned that I was too fat to eat all the good food (looking at my pictures
from back then, I was certainly not fat, not even close.)
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: "wingdings"; mso-ascii-font-family: Arial; mso-char-type: symbol; mso-hansi-font-family: Arial; mso-symbol-font-family: Wingdings;"><span style="mso-char-type: symbol; mso-symbol-font-family: Wingdings;">* </span></span>I
learned that what I wanted was not important. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: "wingdings"; mso-ascii-font-family: Arial; mso-char-type: symbol; mso-hansi-font-family: Arial; mso-symbol-font-family: Wingdings;"><span style="mso-char-type: symbol; mso-symbol-font-family: Wingdings;">* </span></span>I
learned that the foods for others in the refrigerator is not for me (hence why
I still have a hard time eating food from my refrigerator if I bought it for
the kids or my husband)</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: "wingdings"; mso-ascii-font-family: Arial; mso-char-type: symbol; mso-hansi-font-family: Arial; mso-symbol-font-family: Wingdings;"><span style="mso-char-type: symbol; mso-symbol-font-family: Wingdings;">* </span></span>I
learned that I would eat just to spite my parents</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: "wingdings"; mso-ascii-font-family: Arial; mso-char-type: symbol; mso-hansi-font-family: Arial; mso-symbol-font-family: Wingdings;"><span style="mso-char-type: symbol; mso-symbol-font-family: Wingdings;">* </span></span>I
learned that I would eat to feel good about myself.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
Food brought me
comfort. Food has ALWAYS made me feel better. The association of food with
celebration was ingrained in me early, and it has never subsided. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
It is these
factors that I learned that has prevented me from realizing that food is just
an energy source. I have heard the term “EAT TO LIVE, NOT LIVE TO EAT” many
times, and I really, really want to make this my motto. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
But inevitably,
I fall back to emotional eating.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
If I feel sad, I eat.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
If I am happy, I eat. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
Depressed, eat. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
Bored, eat. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
I know that I
have to work on this. It’s one of my major, if not the biggest obstacles I have
in obtaining my goal. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
Food is not my
comfort, I’ll have to remember that.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
Alicia Phttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07651734616044574830noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1753707730660492641.post-6120777206611051512016-01-06T21:17:00.000-08:002016-01-06T21:18:55.310-08:00New Perspective<div style="text-align: right;">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">1/1/2016 </span></div>
<div style="text-align: right;">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">302.2</span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt; tab-stops: 408.0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Arial;"></span> </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt; tab-stops: 408.0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">I have dieted
and I have failed. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial;"></span> </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt; tab-stops: 408.0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">I have been bulimic and I have failed. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial;">I have tried weight
watchers, alli, meridia, the gastric band, HcG, Almased, Master Cleanse and I
have failed. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt; tab-stops: 408.0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">Today, I will sit here
and analyze why I have failed with these. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt; tab-stops: 408.0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">Bulimia: I was
young and I was tired of throwing up all my food<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt; tab-stops: 408.0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">Weight
Watchers: Now this one, this one worked for a while. The combo of counting
points and counting exercise. That one was a good one. Every time I have tried
WW, I have succeeded in losing 30 -50 lbs. Depending on my age and how
determined I was. The problem with this was that as soon as I stopped going to
the meetings, I started gaining it ALL back. And more. I don’t think the problem
was the program. The problem was me. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt; tab-stops: 408.0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">Alli &
Meridia: These are grouped because I used them together. Now these worked great
combined. They took away the hunger (Meridia) and when I did eat, it took away
the fat (Alli). Thing is, I believe wholeheartedly that I got my high blood
pressure so young because of these. Not to mention the disgusting side effects.
Yeah, those side effects. No more. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt; tab-stops: 408.0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">Gastric Band:
Holy shitstorm of bad luck, Batman. Now, when it was on for the first year, I
did lose 80 lbs. I loved it. It became my limit bearer. I felt full faster, and
I knew what to eat and when. I couldn’t just shove a ton of spaghetti because
it would come right back up. I seriously loved the Gastric Band, and if I could
do it again, I would in a heartbeat, but alas it was not meant to be. The 1<sup>st</sup>
band was eating into my stomach so it had to be taken out and replaced. When
the 2<sup>nd</sup> one was put in, my body rejected it. After 1 week in the
hospital (4 of those in CICU) I was told that it would no longer be possible
since I had created an immune response to it and would continue to do so. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt; tab-stops: 408.0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">HcG: Now this
one was next. This happened the year after I had the Gastric Band taken out.
Now in theory, this one should have worked as well. They inject you with the
hormone HcG and your appetite and cravings go down. There is a 500 calories a
day diet that goes along with it. Now, with 500 calories a day, OF COURSE you
are going to lose weight. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt; tab-stops: 408.0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">And I did. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt; tab-stops: 408.0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">But, it was
too expensive to maintain, I was
losing weight very slowly and <br />
it never really took my hunger
away. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt; tab-stops: 408.0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">If it doesn’t
take my hunger away, I don’t really want to continue on it.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt; tab-stops: 408.0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">Almased &
Master Cleanse: I grouped these together because they are very similar in
application. Basically, you go on a liquid fast for a couple of days and then
you reset or cleanse your body and start new. Now, for both of them, I have
been able to keep them up for up to 10 days (Almased) 15 days (Master Cleanse)
I have learned that after that, my weight loss stabilizes and I’m just starving
myself for nothing. The problem is the rebound. My body loses excess amount of
weight during that time, so when I start eating solids again, it stores it all
away and I gain the weight back, which freaks me out and I just say fuck it and
start eating again. Completely wrong. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt; tab-stops: 408.0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">And so, I have
come to the conclusion that all of these have at some point or another worked
for me in the short term. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt; tab-stops: 408.0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">But in the long term, they have not. Why? <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt; tab-stops: 408.0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">Me<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt; tab-stops: 408.0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">All me<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt; tab-stops: 408.0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">My mind and my
heart are not fully in. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt; tab-stops: 408.0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">When I lost
80lbs, I had all the motivation in the world. I was single and had energy. I
didn’t have too many responsibilities. I wanted to lose the weight. But maybe
for the wrong reasons. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt; tab-stops: 408.0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">I wanted to be
thin. I thought that by being thin, I would get a better job, get a boyfriend,
find friends, be popular, and be pretty. All superficial reasons, but powerful
reasons in my mind. Those were the impetus I needed to succeed in my endeavor
to lose weight. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt; tab-stops: 408.0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">Fast forward to
me getting my Gastric Band off.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I almost
lost my life. I almost died. My oldest son (only 18 months at the time) would have
grown up without a mom, all because I wanted to be thin. And so, on that weight
loss of 56lbs, I was driven to be healthy, and do it on my own. To be known as
the one that could lose that weight because I was strong willed. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt; tab-stops: 408.0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">And then my
world came crashing down. As I write this, my heart burns with sorrow, it is
hard. My husband hit some a major bump in our marriage. My self-esteem went
out the window. I was no longer happy. I had lost ALL this weight and looked better than I had in years, even better than when we were dating! </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt; tab-stops: 408.0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">WTF. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt; tab-stops: 408.0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">Towel thrown
in. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt; tab-stops: 408.0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">I don’t think I
have recuperated totally from this. I totally gave up. I just said fuck it. It
doesn’t matter what I do. I’m still not good enough. I don’t have the will
power anymore to continue on the journey, and well, I stopped caring. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt; tab-stops: 408.0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">And worst
thing, this actually made me closer to my husband. See our relationship was and
is partly based on foods we love. Our dates consisted on restaurants or movies that
had a food integrated in them. OR, we would just pick up food (mostly
wings and pizza) and go back to the apartment to play video games and eat. We
would see commercials and decide what to eat based on what restaurant had new
stuff. To give perspective, when the McRib would come out, it was cause for a celebration! We
would plan our day on the day it came back. At night we would open up a new
cheese dip and try it out. Food was the basis of our relationship. Heck, one of
the first things I made for my husband was a cheesecake, his favorite. This led
to our first real date. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt; tab-stops: 408.0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">Now, I’m not
blaming my husband. Not in the least bit. We are both a sort of foodies. We love
food. It’s comforting. It’s happy in a bite. And if I had the metabolism of my
father’s family, we would not be having this conversation at all. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt; tab-stops: 408.0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">But alas, we
come to the next problem on the list. My metabolism. My digestive system. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt; tab-stops: 408.0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">What is wrong
with it?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt; tab-stops: 408.0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">At this point,
I don’t know. I’ve been told I have food allergies, yeast allergy, gluten
intolerance and celiac disease. I know that I have malabsorption issues and
others that are underlying. I have PCOS (polycystic ovarian syndrome) which
also causes my sugars to go bezek. I have pre-diabetic tendencies and I have
high-blood pressure. <br />
I can’t drink or eat anything with high fructose corn syrup or I get migraines
from hell. I need all my vitamins in liquid or gel form so I can digest and
absorb better. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt; tab-stops: 408.0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">At this point,
I believe my body has been through so much, that it just said the hell with
you, I’m storing everything you eat and will sort it out later. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt; tab-stops: 408.0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">Thanks body; I
love you, too. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt; tab-stops: 408.0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">So what now? Am
I doomed? Am I to live my life as a 300lbs woman? <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt; tab-stops: 408.0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">No. I refuse to
believe so. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt; tab-stops: 408.0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">But I also
believe that I have to deal with my issues before I can truly change. I have to
address my concerns and my limitations. I have to slowly change my perspective
and decide what I really want. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt; tab-stops: 408.0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">It will be
hard, almost impossible. But I have done impossible before. I have the will
power in me. I have to believe that there is no one or anything else that can
help me to lose the weight. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt; tab-stops: 408.0pt; text-align: center;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Arial;"> </span></o:p></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt; tab-stops: 408.0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">I just have to
believe in me.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt; tab-stops: 408.0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Arial;"><o:p></o:p></span> </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
</div>
Alicia Phttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07651734616044574830noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1753707730660492641.post-28363330322893477782015-01-05T17:20:00.000-08:002015-01-05T17:20:53.934-08:00Dear Diary. Week 1.I began on New Years Day. <br />
<div align="center">
I seriously didn't want to see how much I weighed but I did it. </div>
<div align="center">
298.6lbs.<br />Janurary 1st, 2015 9a.m.</div>
<div align="center">
WOW.</div>
<div align="center">
Yeah, that's not good.</div>
<div align="center">
</div>
<div align="center">
I had already made up my mind to change my eating habits. </div>
<div align="center">
Again.</div>
<div align="center">
Like I have mentioned. I tend to do this in cycles. I loose, a lot, and get scared. SO I revert back to eating and eating and eating. </div>
<div align="center">
It's not only what I eat, but amounts. </div>
<div align="center">
</div>
<div align="center">
I have been on the Weight Watchers program, and that has worked for me before. But now, I have so many dietary restrictions by being a Celiac and Allergic to almost everything that tastes good. </div>
<div align="center">
Kidding. Not Kidding.</div>
<div align="center">
</div>
<div align="center">
Just to name a few of the things I'm allergic to or cannot eat. </div>
<div align="center">
Wheat</div>
<div align="center">
Barley</div>
<div align="center">
Rye</div>
<div align="center">
Malt</div>
<div align="center">
Oats</div>
<div align="center">
Whole Wheat Flour</div>
<div align="center">
Durum</div>
<div align="center">
Wheat
Graham Flour</div>
<div align="center">
Triticale</div>
<div align="center">
Kamut</div>
<div align="center">
Lupin Flour</div>
<div align="center">
Semolina</div>
<div align="center">
Spelt</div>
<div align="center">
Farina Flour</div>
<div align="center">
Wheat Germ</div>
<div align="center">
Wheat Bran</div>
<div align="center">
Yeast
-Both Brewer's Yeast and Baker's Yeast</div>
<div align="center">
Autolized Yeast</div>
<div align="center">
Soybeans</div>
<div align="center">
Lactose</div>
<div align="center">
MSG</div>
<div align="center">
GMO</div>
<div align="center">
Modified Food Starch</div>
<div align="center">
High Fructose Corn Syrup</div>
<div align="center">
Red, Orange & Yellow Dyes</div>
<div align="center">
Peanuts</div>
<div align="center">
Almonds</div>
<div align="center">
Cashews</div>
<div align="center">
Pistachios</div>
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
Sigh, If they take away my beloved Potato I will just want to curl up and not go anywhere.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
This is everything. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Is there hope? </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
My doctors are perplexed as to why I still have the "wheat" belly.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I do have to admit, that although I haven't eaten any of the stuff that is bad for me, I have been eating stuff that is not healthy. A lot of GF Bread. A lot of Mexican Coke. A lot of tortillas. A lot of Cheeses. A lot of Meat covered in Oil. A lot of GF chips and Dips. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I haven't been exactly the poster child for healthy eating. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
And so, I have done a complete overhaul of my eating. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
This keeps getting harder and harder to start, or to keep it going. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
The more responsibilities I take on, the harder it is to watch what I eat. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
But it can be done. I have done it. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I cannot make any more excuses. I have to do.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I have to be fit and strong for my boys.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I want to see them grow up.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I want to be able to run around and play with them.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
And so, this morning</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
January 5th, 2015 at 9:30am</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I weighed myself after a complete do over on my eating. I have been eating healthy for 4 days.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
295lbs. </div>
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3.6 pounds lost in 4 days with only eating healthy and cutting out the excess. </div>
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Not bad. Good Start. </div>
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Got to keep going and maintain it. </div>
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I hope to loose at least 2lbs per week. <br />This is the recommended healthy weightloss. </div>
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I can do this. I can do this. I can do this. I can do this. I can do this. I can do this. I can do this.</div>
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Alicia Phttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07651734616044574830noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1753707730660492641.post-23829019168329645342015-01-03T12:05:00.001-08:002015-01-03T12:05:13.537-08:00The Old ClicheAnd so we start the new year. <br />
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2014 went by so fast. It really didn't stop from the start. Between my boys and their special needs classes, therapies and tutors, my business, my household, my marriage and school responsibilities, it hardly left any time for me. To take care of me. To focus on me and my health.</div>
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The question of, "How did I get this big?" is not really mine. I know exactly what happened. I stopped caring. I gave in to my cravings. </div>
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Every.Single.One. </div>
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And for as long as I can remember, that has been the case. </div>
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I believe I'm afraid. </div>
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I get to a certain point and then, I freak out. </div>
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50 lbs lost, 80 lbs lost, 60 lbs lost. </div>
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There is a cycle. I loose it and then I freak out about the changes in my body and I start eating. I'm not sure if it's an evolutionary thing or if it is a metal thing. But it happens to me. </div>
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Every.Single.Time. </div>
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I have been on diets since I was a teen.</div>
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I have had the gastric lap-band and almost died. </div>
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I have been diagnosed a Celiac and have multiple food allergies. </div>
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Still, I gain ALL the weight back, with interest. </div>
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I can't say I'm not going to do fall this year, but I have to keep trying. </div>
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I don't want another diagnosis.</div>
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I don't want Diabetes</div>
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I don't want Hypertension</div>
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I don't want Arthritis</div>
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I don't want a Hypothyroid</div>
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I don't want Depression</div>
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I have to be judged by the number of times I get up.</div>
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I will find time for me. I will find time to get healthy and loose all this excess weight. </div>
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I will.</div>
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Alicia Phttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07651734616044574830noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1753707730660492641.post-8388353046740143602014-07-04T22:03:00.000-07:002014-07-04T22:03:42.233-07:00Time to Begin, Again.Life happens.<br />
Lots of life happens.<br />
Good things. Bad things. They all happen. Sometimes at once, sometimes one at a time. Time doesn't stop for anyone. Life continues. <br />
I let Many things interfere with my weight loss, with my journey. <br />
I let go.<br />
I stopped caring.<br />
Too many things to do. My Small Business. The Kids' activities and Therapies. Household chores; The endless dishes that piled up and act like Gremlins, you add water to them and they multiply. <br />
It became easy to just drive thru the closest fast food joint.<br />
Forget the fact that I'm a Celiac.<br />
Forget the fact that I'm overweight.<br />
Forget the fact that I'm Pre-diabetic and Hypertensive.<br />
Forget the fact that I had lost 50lbs with hard work, dedication, sweat and Many, Many tears.<br />
It slowly crept back up. <br />
Until one day, I just couldn't look at myself in the mirror. <br />
Nothing fit.<br />
Nothing felt right.<br />
I would wake up and couldn't even move my arms, they felt so weak.<br />
I had difficulty breathing.<br />
I had blinding headaches.<br />
<br />
I hadn't stepped on a scale in Months. <br />
It was time. I needed to. <br />
<br />
I did it. I stepped on the scale and what looked back at me almost made me Cry.<br />
My first shock.<br />
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This is what looked back at me.<br />
This.<br />
I. Me.<br />
I have NEVER been this heavy.<br />
I have never weighed 285.8lbs IN MY LIFE.<br />
<br />
How did this happen, how did I let it go so far.<br />
How did I become so complacent and decide I didn't care.<br />
<br />
I almost died 6 years ago. <br />
Did I not take my second chance seriously?<br />
Why did I give up?<br />
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All these questions, just running through my head. <br />
Why Did I decide It wasn't worth it to take care of myself?<br />
Why even bother? <br />
Why even believe I had any self worth?<br />
Where had my self esteem gone?<br />
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Am I truly that dysfunctional?<br />
After loosing 50lbs, How did I gain it all back plus 20 more? <br />
Why did it not matter, the loss? To have so easily and so quickly forgotten my goals.<br />
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My goals.<br />
They were clouded by those pesky things called obstacles.<br />
And I so easily allowed them to. <br />
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It is time.<br />
It is time to go back to work.<br />
It is time to stop procrastinating and do something for me.<br />
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I can't guarantee I will not fail.<br />
But that is okay.<br />
I am not judged by the number of times I succeed, but by the number of times I fail and start again.<br />
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So. <br />
After 11 months of unabashed eating, shameless binges, and no concern for my health, I'm ready.<br />
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I'm ready for something to change. <br />
I'm ready to feel free of the constrains of food.<br />
I'm ready to start feeling alive again.<br />
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After much consideration, A cleanse was imposed on me, and I agree.<br />
My bloodwork was out of this world and I got in trouble.<br />
I got a second shock.<br />
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I will Now chronicle this journey.<br />
This starting again.<br />
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I have never said I was perfect.<br />
My journey is mine, and mine alone.<br />
It has it's highs and lows. <br />
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I have tried fad diets.<br />
And I have tried procedures.<br />
I have tried diet regiments<br />
And I have tried diet supplements.<br />
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Something has to give.<br />
Something has to work.<br />
I have to change from within <br />
To change my outside.<br />
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But this time it will be different.<br />
This time I will chronicle, truly, my journey.<br />
This time I will not be ashamed of how low I fell.<br />
This time I will confess my good AND my bad.<br />
This time I will lay it all out for you to see.<br />
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It's time to begin.<br />
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Alicia Phttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07651734616044574830noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1753707730660492641.post-36626528098811931522013-02-24T12:10:00.002-08:002013-02-24T12:10:22.935-08:00Open Letter to my Fat...<span style="padding-right: 10px;"></span><br />
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A few years back, I struggled with a Plateau. I could not seem to loose the weight. I had NSV. But I was getting discouraged. So my meetings Leader told me to write a letter to myself. Pour out my frustrations, getting everything off my chest. </div>
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Well, I didn't exactly want to give myself the third degree, since I was doing what I thought was right, and I felt that it would be displacing my anger toward who I really was upset at. Not myself, but my FAT. Yup, my pounds were at fault, they didn't want to leave me, no matter what I was doing right. </div>
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So I wrote my "Pounds" a letter.... </div>
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"Dear 255#,<br /><br />For a month now, you and I have been very close friends. We have spent 33 days of laughter and tears, OHHHH the tears.<br /><br />I just wanted to say, that even though I haven't seen you in 3 years, it's time for you and me to part ways. Four weeks was enough for you and me, but it's now time for good-bye.<br /><br />Believe me, 255#, when I tell you that I LOVED seeing you at first, but now it's time for me to see 253#. Parting is such sweet sorrow, but this time, the goodbye is forever.<br /><br />Please let me go, I will cherish our time together, but I must move on. Please don't take it personally. It's not you, it's me. It's just not working for me, and I'm not happy with you anymore.<br /><br />Please try to understand. There will be others that will be happy to see you. But for me, the excitement is gone.<br /><br />LOVE always,<br /><br />ALI<br />
P.S. - CLINGING to me for another week WILL NOT make me change my mind. <br /><br />253# and I have been exchanging numbers and we think we can make it work. I'm just not a monopounderist. I need to see other pounds. <br /><br />Please don't make me resort to exercising more, cutting out WP and measuring ALL my food to get rid of you. That would be below you. But know this, I WILL do it if I'm forced to.<br /><br />There are others like me that want to see you, Go to them and don't look back. I know I won't.<br /><br />Frustratingly yours (for now)<br />ALI "Alicia Phttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07651734616044574830noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1753707730660492641.post-43039547073167661992013-02-05T10:28:00.001-08:002013-02-05T10:29:58.035-08:00Take Care of You<div style="text-align: center;">
"This is a lifestyle, not a Diet"</div>
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Very wise words that my WW leader uttered in one of my first meetings. Changing your whole attitude and mentality is a must, I repeat. This isn't a Diet. Again, diets are fast, easy solutions, that in the end don't work or set you up to fail since they are unsustainable for long term. </div>
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Since this is a lifestyle, it is a must to take care of yourself. That includes not falling into the Bermuda Triangle. LOL. Let me explain. </div>
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Saboteur</div>
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Jealousy ------- Instigators</div>
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These are your 3 major hurdles. Your Bermuda Triangle. It only takes one of them to suck you right in and lead you to fall. I'm careful to not say fail, because you can only fail if you give up. This is why if you happen to be caught in the Bermuda Triangle, you must break free and avoid it at all costs. </div>
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SABOTEUR : This is the person who will try to "sabotage" or ruin your efforts. It's the person that will bring you a donut to your desk after saying you "look too thin" when you just finished saying you've lost some weight. This is the person that will fix your coffee and say "oops, I added an extra sugar" . This is the spouse that decides to take you out to dinner more often than usual, after you've lost significant weight. This is the "friend" that tells you, "oh, no need to exercise today! Come hang out with me instead"</div>
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JEALOSY: This not only refers to people, but feelings as well. Your feelings to be exact. You may get jealous of the friend that can eat anything and not gain weight. You, yourself might have been that person when you were younger and might be jealous of your past. DON'T. LET IT GO. Don't let it consume you. Be careful of those around you as well. They might be jealous of your success and thus become instigators, or even saboteurs. </div>
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INSTIGATORS: Which leads me to the instigators. These can be direct or indirect. Direct instigators are those around you that have not become Saboteurs, YET. They will say things such as "one bit will not hurt", "you can cheat one day, I won't say a word" or my personal favorite, "don't be a party pooper, eat up!" these are the people that will try to make you feel guilty. DON'T LET THEM! This is important to keep in mind, since you can always talk back to a direct instigator. But what about an indirect one? These are your commercials and marketing. The food commercials that ome on the TV and say, "Yummy, eat me now!" Your Marketing in the Store that says, "50% off Potato Chips Humongoid Bag" WALK AWAY. TURN IT OFF. These are instigators, and they too, need to be dealt with. </div>
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So, How to Cope with these People, you ask? </div>
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Well there are certain steps you need to be aware of. Only you can decide how to control the situation or how to handle it. <span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);">Here are some Pointers:</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);"><br /></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);"><br /></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);">* Be Prepared. Know an alternate option if someone offers you food you don't want to eat. If you know what is being served is not a healthy option, eat at home. Say you are full. Say you are allergic. Have a response ready. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);"><br /></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);">* Be assertive when saying NO. Saboteurs and Instigators smell fear! LOL, not really, but they can sense if you hesitate and will push you to say YES.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);"><br /></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);">* Stay focused on your goal. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);"><br /></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);">* Use Positive Self-Talk. Use your previous success to your advantage. A simple "I'm good, thank you" can take you a long way. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);"><br /></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);">* If all else fails, WALK AWAY. It's better to hurt their feelings than hinder your efforts. They will get the idea and stop. And if they don't, you didn't need them in the first place. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);"><br /></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);">REMEMBER: Take care of yourself , no one else will do it for you. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);"><br /></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);">Thanks for visiting</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);">ALI</span></div>
Alicia Phttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07651734616044574830noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1753707730660492641.post-55953853482155578032013-01-31T19:44:00.000-08:002013-01-31T19:44:38.942-08:00Year One, and Gone.....<div style="text-align: right;">
239</div>
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It's been a Year Now, since I restarted my Weightloss (WL) Journey and it's been a rollercoster ride.</div>
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So far, I have lost 38.4 lbs. </div>
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In. One. Year.</div>
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I have to admit, I'm a bit disappointed. I'd hoped to be further along on my journey. But I do have to say that all month of June, I plateaued and stayed the same weight. In December (starting probably during Thanksgiving) I gained 10.2 lbs. </div>
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So, this is where I'm at. I didn't go to my WW meetings all Winter Holidays. I slacked off on tracking my food, and ate as I pleased. </div>
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This is the perfect time to bring up a motivational quote that I heard in a meeting, a while ago.</div>
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"I AM NOT JUDGED BY THE NUMBER OF TIMES</div>
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I FAIL,</div>
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BUT BY THE NUMBER OF TIMES</div>
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I SUCCEED"</div>
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I am reminded of the saying "eat to live, don't live to eat" it is important to understand the triggers to Binge eating. It's even more vital to get past the feeling and look for answers. </div>
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* How did I get off course?</div>
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* What can I learn from this experience?</div>
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* How can I make it right? </div>
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* What can I do to prevent this from happening again? </div>
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Keep in mind, the answers are not easy to find. They are not easy to do. And they are certainly NOT easy to keep. But, once you ID your trigger and figure out how to avoid it, you are halfway there. </div>
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Remember, one day at a time, no guilt and move on.</div>
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"OBSTACLES are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your GOAL"</div>
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Thanks for stoping by,</div>
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ALI</div>
Alicia Phttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07651734616044574830noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1753707730660492641.post-84946726675090257422012-11-27T12:08:00.002-08:002012-11-27T12:12:39.597-08:00My Journey so far....<div style="text-align: center;">
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"The Courage to Start, the Strenght to Endure and the Resolve to Finish"</div>
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I heard this quote once at a Weight Watchers meeting. To me, this embodies what weight loss is. All three are needed to have a successful Journey in Weight Loss (W.L.) </div>
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How you restructure your mind frame into what W.L. is all about will dictate how Victorious you will emerge from your journey. </div>
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First and foremost, don't call it a DIET. That is a dirty word. It should never be uttered by someone who wants to succeed. Call it a new eating regimen. Or a revamping of your eating habits. I, by no means am an expert, but every time I uttered the word DIET, I would feel restricted. I would feel like anything that I ate, that wasn't considered a "diet" food, was a form of cheating. This would lead me to feelings of failure and finally giving up. </div>
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W.L. isn't just about what you eat, but about your mind frame. How you feel that day. Or the day before. It encompasses emotional baggage, whether you eat for comfort or happiness or you deprive your body of food because you are depressed. It is a roller coaster, in my opinion. You must be aware of these emotions to better identify what triggers your binges or fastings. </div>
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What I hope to accomplish with this blog, is to pass on the information I have gathered thought my years of being a "Dieter". My realization that I do not wish to be a "dieter" anymore. And to remind me of what I've learned along the way. </div>
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I am 5'6" tall and when I started this journey, I weighed 278lbs.</div>
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That has been the heaviest I've been all my life. </div>
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Here is my first journey back in 2010.</div>
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01-04-10: 278</div>
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01-11-10: 270</div>
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01-18-10: 266</div>
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01-25-10: 264 ----->5%loss</div>
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02-01-10: 263.2</div>
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02-08-10: 262</div>
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02-15-10: 260.2</div>
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02-22-10: 256.8</div>
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03-01-10: 257.4</div>
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03-08-10: 256.2</div>
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03-15-10: 255</div>
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03-27-10: 255.4</div>
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04-09-10: 255</div>
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04-15-10: 254.4</div>
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04-24-10: 256.2</div>
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05-01-10: 254.0</div>
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05-08-10: 253.4</div>
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05-15-10: 253.8</div>
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05-26-10: 253</div>
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06-05-10: 251</div>
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06-12-10: 253.2</div>
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06-19-10: 254.2</div>
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06-26-10: 254</div>
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07-03-10: 252.6</div>
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07-10-10: 251.6</div>
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07-17-10: 250. ----------> 10% loss </div>
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07-24-10: 251</div>
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07-31-10: 243.8</div>
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08-07-10: 245.4</div>
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08-14-10: 242</div>
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08-21-10: 241.2</div>
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08-28-10: No weigh in. Pregnant.</div>
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I have written down my W.L. So far and in publishing it, will hopefully find me more accountable. </div>
Alicia Phttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07651734616044574830noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1753707730660492641.post-49251105960359942572012-02-15T11:10:00.001-08:002016-06-19T11:23:06.341-07:00Once again, with feeling.<div style="text-align: center;">
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<b>270</b></div>
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<b><u>Someone once told me, you are only as strong as your willpower. </u></b></div>
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Recently, I've been as weak as a little chick. <br />
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It's not for lack of trying, I just haven't wanted it bad enough.</div>
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I decided to start this blog as a way to chronicle my thoughts, feelings, frustrations, triumphs and more. I want to have an outlet vent and to pour out my deepest fears and my highest aspirations. I don't expect anybody to read it, but if it reaches or helps even one person, then it would be worth it. </div>
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<b><u>The story of me: </u></b></div>
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I've always been overweight. Sometimes not as much as others, but the battle of the bulge has always been there. Since I was 16, I've been on pills, diets, exercise plans, etc. nothing ever worked. </div>
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Then on Jan 2003, I decided to submit to the Gastric Band. It's A simple procedure done through laparoscopy in which they insert the band and port through a tiny opening in your abdomen. I lost 80lbs. Perfect! A magic wand! But alas, not all things are forever and after the birth of my first son, I ballooned and gained all 80 + 20 more. So, in 2008, I decided to go have the band checked out and possibly refilled. </div>
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There are always surprises at every corner, nothing is as easy as we think it will be. My band was there alright, but it was embedded into my stomach. My doctor was going to have to remove the old one and put in a new one. Which he did. Problem solved, right? Not exactly. 36 hours after my surgery, I had a fever of 103. Not a good sign. I was taken to the hospital ER where I was put on cold baths. Nothing worked and I was taken back in to surgery.</div>
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I've always had allergies, and as such, my body doesn't tolerate foreign objects very well. Sutures have always been a problem. Even the glue on the band aid, if it stays long on my skin, it will cause a Rash or burn. So, my body had already started to take action against the first band. It was the enemy to my immune system. Well, nobody told it that the new one was better and improved. My body didn't know. So it continued attacking it. Producing large quantities of casualties in my abdomen. Not going into specifics, my doctor had to slice my abdomen open and clean everything up, remove the new band, and stitch me back up. </div>
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I woke up in the ICU. Twelve hours had passed. I had no idea what had happened. I was intubated, on oxygen and I couldn't move. I was in and out of consciousness for the next 4 days. Four days that I will never get back from my son. Four days that my life was in the balance. I could have been a statistic. </div>
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So now, I had no magic wand, but I had a new lease on life. I resolved to take it into my own hands. I would lose it the old fashioned way. I joined Weight Watchers, since it had ALWAYS worked for me in the past. (Just not as fast as I liked) and began a walking routine. I lost 40lbs! I was on the right track, motivated and on a life high. </div>
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But, sometimes, life throws you curve balls. I got pregnant with my second son. And although I wanted to continue on the healthy track, pregnancy cravings will get you. I didn't gain very much, mind you. Only 18lbs. That wasn't the problem. </div>
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I decided to breastfeed my second just like the first. Well, let me tell you, that thing they tell you about burning 500 calories a day? Yeah, well, they don't tell you about the ravenous hunger that accompanies it. It was un controllable. I quickly gained almost everything back. </div>
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And this is where I am at now. I stopped BF when my second was six months old, he's 10 months now and I halfheartedly have been attempting to lose the "baby" weight. I've been procrastinating, enjoying the freedom to eat as I wish and lounge around. </div>
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What happened, you say? A mirror. It's not until we see ourselves in our rawest form, that the shock of what we've become, hits us. I'm done. I'm done being lazy. I'm done being tired, exhausted and sick. I'm done being frightened of getting diabetes. I'm done taking BP medication twice a day.</div>
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I want to run, laugh and play with my boys to my hearts content. </div>
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I will do it. </div>
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One day at a time. </div>
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Ali</div>
Alicia Phttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07651734616044574830noreply@blogger.com0